I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I looked at my own cervix.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm passing your future prison.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
