Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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