I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
