I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
