your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
