She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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