Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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