Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
