We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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