she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
