Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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