I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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