We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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