Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's never too late to be topless.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
