just tell him i said nine months
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
