Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
