I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
