I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
