Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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