I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
