Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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