does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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