my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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