I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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