So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
