The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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