Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
