I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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