two words: eviction party
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
