I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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