he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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