he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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