You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize