i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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