how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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