Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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