I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
