So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
