using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
