"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
