What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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