Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
