ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
