you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
