Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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