I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
