you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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