I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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