apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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