the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
