with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
