and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
