I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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