Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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