If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
