You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
