My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize