So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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