I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
