I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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