It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
