it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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