He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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