i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
