Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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