was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
