Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
