i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize