she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
