im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize