There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
