yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
