The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
