are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
