It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
