I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
