So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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