are you so shy because you have an std?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
