dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
