when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
