nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
