Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
