He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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