He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
