No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
