Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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